They were all on me. I was about to call 911. Maybe i should have. Miss J (i promised not to use names) swore she didnt kniw what i was talking about when i called her on holding back the lighter shortly after i got here “Abby got burned,” big J said, and i told someone but it didnt do any good. Miss J is Black and so was rhe caseworker i talked ti. She saId, “maybe now you know what it feeks like to be marginalized.” I couldnt explain to her that i had had a black girl for a roommate my freshman year at a boarding school, a scholarshio student, and that for nany other reasons as well i was plenty acquainted with being sidelined all my life. I was shortky afterward to give up ny proBlack agenda when i realuzed in a profound moment that i had sexualized blacks as part of my response to ny father’s secually abusing ne and then sexuallizing ne. I finally came to repent if it and hope to see a positive fallout to all the time i spent conscientiously worrying about Black civik rughts, and how a white AngloSaxon female like me fits into the picture.
Going back to Miss K and the Smoking deck, its gotten worse and worse until the other night in my mind they were beating me in the stomach after she held back rhe lighter again, and i pullled out ny own..
It was a feeding frenzy out there tonight. The white male nightwatchmen couldnt ignore it. Miss J was at it trying to take ne down, but the Spirit was with me, i had prayed the Holy Spirit prayer that i know and He carried me through. I stood out there and smoked 2 cigarettes whike they tried to beat on me every way theu could but the Lord held ne, i was standing outside the small structure where we smoke, leaning against the outer wall, they were all inside. The resident N, a Black male who whipped it iut in the front steps on the clinic we go to and pussed in the wind a few weejs ago, cane out and stood in front if me, i stepped away and then turned around and faced him and he went back in. I finished the cigarette and walked back into the building. Something told ne not to report it to just then alrhough there was someone in the case workers offices, so i cane here to post.
My cellphone that u am posting from us rapidly running out of power, Try posttng from a cell phone sone time. I am being very open and honest here but in a bug hurry and at the expense of looking good. I have already given up tbe high ground over the race issue this woman miss J has serious ussues. I am going to have to revisit this.
Revisiting, Suay morning