Sunday morning

My guiding voices, in this case my son’s, tell me not to go to Church this morning.  I have LEARNED to  follow these voices, following the example of St. Faustina and her ‘internal promptjngs.’  They’re not ‘voices’ just a single word like ‘no’, or ‘do’ or ‘do not.’  Its odd but its been going on for a very long time.  I realized a couple of years ago that God gave this condition to me to help me with the spasms, its sort if like a prosthetic brain.


Anyway, last night lingers. It was hard to process it with my roommate in tehe room.  I found out yesterday that she takes Haldol and i can feel the overwhelming negativity, i realize how unpleasant i was all those yesrs when i was desperately trying to get off the stuff.  I just don’t want to  be near it.  We clashed first thing in the mornitng when she was coming in as i was going out at 6 am.  Just a few minutes ago she delivered her take on the day, “Fuck, why do they have to check on us.”  I LIKE that they come to check on us, it helps me.

Well i have compassion on her and maybe its the Haldol but im not going to be used.

Well i sensed there was a point to all tbat hard typing, it was DISTRACTION against her so i could quietly process the night, i woke up feeling awful but i realized that it was Satan in the form of my roommate, i won the day on the smoking porch last night, and once i realized rhat i saw the oceans of PEACE.   My son just jumped right in there to assure me again, no, don’t go to Church.  I dont know why. But this is my faith to know that there is a reason.  Thank you God for this special guidance for  this sorry Christian.  I know that you love me and you are not to harm me but to prosper me, to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)



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