My guiding voices, in this case my son’s, tell me not to go to Church this morning. I have LEARNED to follow these voices, following the example of St. Faustina and her ‘internal promptjngs.’ They’re not ‘voices’ just a single word like ‘no’, or ‘do’ or ‘do not.’ Its odd but its been going on for a very long time. I realized a couple of years ago that God gave this condition to me to help me with the spasms, its sort if like a prosthetic brain.
Anyway, last night lingers. It was hard to process it with my roommate in tehe room. I found out yesterday that she takes Haldol and i can feel the overwhelming negativity, i realize how unpleasant i was all those yesrs when i was desperately trying to get off the stuff. I just don’t want to be near it. We clashed first thing in the morning when she was coming in as i was going out at 6 am. Just a few minutes ago she delivered her take on the day, “Fuck, why do they have to check on us.” I LIKE that they come to check on us, it helps me.
Well i have compassion on her and maybe its the Haldol but im not going to be used.
Well i sensed there was a point to all tbat hard typing, it was a DISTRACTION against her so i could quietly process the night, i woke up feeling awful but i realized that it was Satan in the form of my roommate, i won the day on the smoking porch last night, and once i realized that i saw the oceans of PEACE. My son just jumped right in there to assure me again, no, don’t go to Church. I dont know why. But this is my faith to know that there is a reason. Thank you God for this special guidance for this sorry Christian. I know that you love me and you are not to harm me but to prosper me, to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)
Church bells.
….
Next stop: 9:00 smoke break
