Desperation

I resorted to calling my mother and arranging a visit during the week.  I was quietly and rudely frozen out of the smoke porch at 6 and then faced my roommate, who is on Haldol, and intrusively complains.  She stays up all night.  Last night the light was on all night and i got no rest.  I am at wits end.

God was talking to me about invisible things when she, my roommate, interrupted with her complaints, i turned around and got on my knees and turned my back to her but then i lost my focus so i explained to her that i was having a hard time myself and i would pray for her but God left.  All this petty stuff is very trying but i have to accept that it is how God is present to me.  Sometimes he is like a mountain on a crystal clear day, other times He is a dark, difficult passage in a poorly lit place, and this is one if those more difficult times.

Now its time for another smoke break.  From one dead end to another.  But i have no place else to go.

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