Near Miss

I just narrowly avoided going to the hospital last night.  And today.

Last night i called 911.  It got so bad, big J. and the nightwatchman, P., were talking about guns in the hallway on the way out; and as we lit up our cigarettes they were talking about the state police, i think thst was when someone said something about the FBI; and more about guns.  I got up and left the shack with half my cigarette; i got caught near the  cigarette extinguisher stand and mentally experienced getting pistol whipped.   There i drew the line.  I marched inside; shortly afterward i strode back out there, they were still out there; i said “Next time you do that to me im going to call the police!.” Big J. acted startled.  I walked inside and up to my room and said to myself “This is true, i dont have to take this.” And I called 911 on this cell phone, an instrument of many purposes.

The police came, as usual i didn’t know what to say and felt guilty for calling, they don’t know that i am a serial 911 caller, and they dont need to know.  I didnt talk about the pistol whipping, i did talk about every thing else that led up to it.  They brought up tbe possibility of my going to the hispital, and the two staff nenbers in there said no, and i did too.

Today, the morning wore on after a terrible night, i tbought again of going to the hospital, especially as i had held that back about the pistol whipping.  I figured if i had confessed that last night they would have taken me.  I was forgetting God’s marvelous GRACE.  I sat down with Miss J., the social worker,  and we figured out that the smoking shack is the only serious issue, in other areas my healing here is astonishing:  lower GI, also my hearing, i never think about it any more, but for 30 years i have had trouble being tuned in to background noise, it was incapacitating, its a long story, but the long and short if it is that im noticing just in the last weak that i dont hear conversations im not supposed to any more.

Gaad, what a wreck i was, and how desperate, as a new mother, it makes me want to cry now, looking back.  My variegated illness had become second nature to me, i remember now how badly i was  treated, and it hurts  me to the core that people would hurt my CHILD that way.

Here i am treated fairly well by the staff, i have gotten some good treatment since the overdose.  Miss J said she would arrange for me to get separate smoke breaks for a while.  Im due for one right about now.

Church bells.

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