The Battle for my Blog

Well it happens every time.  I buy a custom domain and then i get carried away with my blog.  This time i got thrown a curve.  I started thinking about my old therapist in Florida, the one i got hung up on for years.  At one point he was ready to date me but i wasnt ready for that.  I was to ill to be a new girlfriend and too ill to be a wife and mother too.  The status quo prevailed. I stayed deeply in love with the therapist but residing with my husband and trying to be a mother to my son.  Degenerate, is what soneone called me in tbe hospital sfter the suicide sttempt down in Florida.  Looking back, i have to agree.  My ex husband simply demanded too much.

The therapist broke it off on a nasty note when he saw that i was going to stay with ny husband, the langorous Tampa late morning and early afternoon appointments.   I kept calling and he wouldnt pick up.  Years passed.  I pursued him.   I was deranged.  I was sure i was being called a stalker and maybe i was but i would never have physically followed him anywhere.  I did respond to an invitation to a conference for psych professionals, believing it was related to my lingering relationship with him, and gave a letter about all my woes to the speaker, a woman, thinking she knew him.

Well my mind fell again on that torment, i have policed my mind agsinst thoughts of Mr. Z, but last night a generally trusted source said  go with it, you love him better than dad.  (This morning, i realized that i shouldn’t have let my son take responsibility here.  His promoting just surprised me so much, i ran with it.)

Next thing i knew i was getting a facebook account for the 7th or so time because i had seen “Mr.Z” listed about four times as having a facebook account.  Then suddenly all those listings disappeared.  And there was noone by his name on Facebook once i logged in and searched for him.  What an idiot (me).  I must be registered somewhere as stalking him.  How humiliating.  So, being at this time a mature adult as i wasnt back then i put the cell phone aside (I do everything on my cell phone) and went to sleep.  But not until after I connected my blog to my new Facebook site and ny slightly older Linkedin site that just hangs around.  It seemed, at the time, the obvious thing to do.  Somehow he would come across ny site and ny blog and see that i was a very different person now than I was then.  Here I am, clutching my clothes about me and running, just as i pictured my mother regarding my EX husband.  All of us sin, all fall short of the glory of God.  So i guess when i get done posting here I will see better how to treat my mither when i likeky see her this afternoon.

So…the whole morning has been a panic, disconnecting the blog, contacting WordPress’s beautiful Happiness engineers to verify that nothing had posted to Facebook or Linkedin and my beloved blog is safe (And so am I and my loved ones.)

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