My mother is frightening.  As i came to post about her I was sidetracked by an email notification, which I don’t usually get:  it was her. I was coming here to post about a horrifying clarity I have cone to about my whole adult life, it is completely defined,from where i stand now, by the monents of the first pregnancy and abortion.  The wool has fallen from my eyes and i am stuck on a moment where he raped me, deliberately getting me pregnant for the sake of a green card.  And that my mother created the whole situation where it could happen, its like being raped by her.  She was in erotic mode with him, making a sexual contact with him as soon as their eyes locked on the porch of her and my father’s  farmhouse home when i brought him home to meet my father.

This us enormous, that i can say all this, i feel like I can feel her writhing in the water like a whale trying to get away.

As for Bill, i will have to let this percolate while the Superbowl continues to play out and i finish getting over being sick.

Have i mentioned that i am from both Boston AND Philly?  I spent significant years in both places.  Being so very sick for this Superbowl is wringing the crap right out if me.


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