It was UNTHINKABLE what happened to me.  I loved music.  To play the piano. My family. To read books.  I loved horses.  To listen to my brother play the guitar.  I loved to be sweetly sad.  To get  carried away with a movie.

I was sexually destroyed, my clitoris in a clamp and my urethra in agony from the pressure of the catheter these material facts were a MONSTER, nobody who knew me when i was younger would  be able to understand.  And in these 32 years I forgot who I was.

I am at the partial program on a break, they were just playing Simon and Garfunkel and i am back in touch with my former self after all these crazy years.

The practical impact is on my motherhood.  I worked on all 3 of my children all my life and 2 of them died through legal abortion.

I wanted more than anything to be a mother, i was built for it.  The kneeing in the crotch by my brother, my father’s sexual abuse, and the bad therapist at 21 set the stage for the abortions.  The Dove–the undergraduate literary magazine’– i have to forgive, for it paved the way for my born and still thriving child.  We haven’t given up on you, son..

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