It has been a very funny day, funny strange. At the end if the day it comes back to my phone call with my mother. I called her after falling into a sin, thinking I would be safe, and then I wasn’t. She got in a line about my shoes, akways a bone of contention and very sensitive: I could never find them in the house when i was a littke girl and used to get whomped for it. “The Lord has you,” I heard in my mind after she said it, but it’s been working away in the back if my mind all day. She didn’t “get” me, the Lord did protect me. Because of my new innocence there’s nothing for her to get at. But shes making me feel uncomfortable, it’s a violation of my privacy. She has no right to bring that up and her holding on to it is indefensible, i could even tell she knew right away that she had just been a jerk but she doesnt know when to quit. Oh God I pray you release me from this harm tonight, i dont want to wake up to it tomorrow.
15 minutes later
And at the end of the day, the smoking porch comes through: a strand of hair on my key on the way back into my room sent me praying the Holy Spirit Prayer, “Let me only know your will!” And a resudent’s voice came through in my mind saying forgive your mother. At the end if tbe day, forgive, forgive, forgive. This is the lesson I am finally learning. “Damn!” I hear my mother saying. And she crumbles. She was holding on to it all day for what she could get for it. Yay for the new innocence.
Touchy: should i post this? Everything is new today. Posting has come HARD today. Experiencing technical dufficulties