Male Residents P. And K. were out there on the picnic table benches in the slight, drizzling rain openly harassing me inside the smoking shed. Female resident T. was talking to someone else out there and minding her own business, she is usually kind or at least neutral. How mean can people be. So I called on Caleb and my son stayed with me in my mind. He said, be like a little child and i was, but P., an old war vet who is half crazy, is old and hurt by life, and he has latched onto something which helps his pain and is really cruel. I couldnt shake him on rhe way in. Yesterday he gave me a paper about Eric Garner when I ventured to talk with him for a moment alone in the smoking shed. Eric Garner (I had to Google him) was killed when a cop choked him in the process if subduing him when he wasn’t even committing a crime. His family was awarded a hefty sum. This happened in 2014. My first reaction was to be surprised at the connectedness: the article was by George Will, with whom I had an involvement through an article in the Times in Florida which appeared to be in response to my letter on a abortion, i was never able to straighten that out. Second, a woman at the state hospital gave me a paper about love in which she wrote about shit in a way which disgusted me. I set it aside and forgot about it, and then she wanted it back and it was lost everyone got very angry with me. So I knew to treat this paper with respect. I pinned it up next to my wardrobe. My next reaction was to consider whether I should take it as a warning. Things get so threatening here sometimes, and this is an avenue through which a person could get hurt in a place like this. Soneone who was on the wrong side of things, just like me. So i jumped up and took notice. He’s so confused I don’t think he knows what tbe effect was that he had, he’s just clinging to the place he suddenly has, he is sitting among the living and talking instead of off by himself. That’s another person who is finding attention by playing off of me. Another person to forgive. But i always worry about coming to harm if i forgive before making myself safe. Thats probably un Christian but I haven’t figured it yet.
My back is getting tired from leaning over my cell phone to post. I dont know what to do about this situation. I kept thinking it woukd pass but this is dire.