Why am I so friggin stupid.  I dont take myself seriously.  My inner  voices TOLD me not to go to partial program,  i went anyway, and i cried and i didn’t kniw why.  My therapy session felt like a waste and i didn’t know why.  The smoking pirch got way out of control and i didn’t kniw why.

I had a urinary tract infection.  They can hurt so much they can make you psychotic.  I thought u was being very wise to take a day off for urinary tract pain and requesting a doctors appointment to get pyridium.  I finally went to the doctor today and they did a culture and what do you know, i have a urinary tract infection.  I thought I just felt s littke under the weather.  I think that the problem with this kind of pain is that it brings with it associations.  Of tears and defeat from when I had this pain often.

I also realized at the doctors office that the extra Clozaril that the doctors is givig me during the daytime is making me overly sedated.   I could tell that the doctor didnt like the looks of me.  That’s what I get for hanging out with Davud from the State hospital and miss D.  My ex finally got me out of there this morning  I clearly saw him in my mind and i walked free from there, (there bring the smoke shack of course.  When I went back after my doctors appointment nobody bothered me.)

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