Quality of life Issue

Every so often it comes down to things that are really basic.   The suppositories make my butt ache.  It doesn’t quit.  It aches all week long and right now, after using it at 4, it’s still excruciating.  My roommate and i are exchanging suicudal  ideation.  I haven’t explained to her about the suppositories.  This is like when I had trouble in the supermarket line in Florida (too bad to say again) and I asked my ex husband to shoot me; not as desperate but it’s a dignity issue again, a really basic quality of life issue.   I don’t know who to tell.  I don’t know what anyone can do.

I told the nurse and she said I probably still needed to go to the bathroom, I doubted her, even though i had the urge again but when I came upstairs I went directly to the bathroom and eliminated some foul gas and putrid fecal matter and now not only did mybutt stop hurting but I’m not feeling as sick.  That’s about 10 days worth of diarrhea, i hardly went at all last Saturday when I last used a suppository and it had been 5 days before that.  I am learning to bring things to people’s attention.  I used to go in silence, tolerating everything.  My mother used to say, “sit still and fold your hands.”  It was so funny, i found myself doing that yesterday when I was waiting to talk to my caseworker in the hubbub surrounding the nurses station.  Then I went in there into my caseworkers office across the hall and cried. And she cared.

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