What makes it bad is that she is brought up as a Catholic. She knows all the prayers i am saying to myself and senses them. And can pull up a Catholic young girl, her younger self, in her defense. She knows my insecurity because she can see where my home cooked faith is bogus. For instance i get down on my knees to pray often during the day. I learned this through Christian song and through common knowledge a and it was never validated by any formal Christian education. I just like to do it. It affords me strength and consolation. Ladt night i felt uncomfortable getting up to pray the rosary, i couldnt get a grip on it, because she was trying to latch on to me and i didnt want to let her in. She had me in a zero direction hold, whichever way i went she had me, and i fell asleep like that and had a terrible night and woke up confused, even after my good day yesterday.
Interacted with my last roommate on the smoking porch, i have to repent. I hurt her when i left, maybe i am experiencing a backlash. The powers that be have been putting me forward as has never happened to me before. I have to make sure i have earned it. Gratitude is the first step to make. Forgiveness for my old roommate, who was treating me badly. And retroactive learning, because this has happened to me before when i didnt know what to do.
My current roommate just got in a dig, a big sigh at my expense, it reminded me to pray the rossry. She just got the sttention of staff “over” me (they came to the door.) Please, Lord, not another nightmare. Now shes gone. Niw, my thoughts are all scrambled.
So i started my day FINALLY finding a connection to my sons addiction, what it really meant in day to day terms fir him, the needles, and the going to buy the stuff, the girlfriend. I was in total unreality about it, i was giving him hundreds, even thousands of dollars. My gold. I had a bizarre mental block.
So now that ive got everything else under control thst has come to a front burner alongside the present positives, he is working, he is doing WELL in his residential program, i dare to hope.
So the roommate stuff will have to sort itself out, ive been forgetting one of the most important tbings to keep in mind: Everything works together for the good for those who love God and are called according to His purposes for them.
…. another intrermission
Prayed the Rosary
I saw the caseworker who came to the door, in my minds eye, another Miss J, perplexed in her mind, while i prayed. She knre she wasnt right standing up for my roommate, who acted like a turd for 3 days. Miss J is Black, and so is the young man whose voice i hear in the hallway, whose nastty remark about “quiet people” started the argument with my former roommate on the smoking porch. He is (unlike miss J) trying to stand his ground. Young and foolish. A lot like me a lot of tbe time. These two are hanging on to perplexity from the racial moment the night before last. Ill put the post back up in case anyone needs to refer to it. “Mending Fences with Black America.”
So im holding on to sll this to be guided according to the Bible passage above, “Everything works together the good…”