Vindicated on the smoking porch

The young black male psych tech was caught at it.  By dear wonderful med tech N (fighting the good fight for that word “wonderful.”)  The female tech out there whipped the lighter out if my hand. And then he used the word “vampire” and i was way ahead if him.  I got Haribo sour vampire fruit gels at the ticket store yesterday (i wont explain) and ate myself sick on them!!! Lol.

Miss N is one of tbe most senior staffers here.   She was aware if my getting upset on the smoking porch, i even complained about her the other day and she wad so disturbed that she wrote a note about it.  So just now she saw this abuse in action.  I hope they both get fired.

The Lord had already shown Hmself: “Because you trusted”  He said.

Well i hear him in the hallway and it seems he is too arrogsnt to take the comedown.  I thing i have to get miss J the one who supported my roommate, as well.

I hear a voice in my mind saying “Done!” and ifeel it is one i can trust.  Which woukd mean that i am over the fallout from the racial incident, it was a slow burn, thats all.

So all’s well.  I don’t know exactly what it means yet in practical terms but i have some kind if a grip on the oractical rrality of my sons heroine addiction.   Im thinking “harrowing addiction.”  It was terrifying to watch it without understandfing.  It is horrifying to me to think at the same time how my illness all his life, out if control, must have felt to him.  I see the merit in Gods plan that i die in Buffalo and am off his plate as God showed me but that didnt happen.  I am praying to know how i should go now with his, my sons wellbeing, in mind.  Its a horrible bind.  But i know that the Lord has a plan “to prosper us and not to harm us, to give us a hope and a future.”

I just have to trust.  The Lord wants my trust.  So much good has come out in the last few days that i am finally able to.

“Knit yourself then, to Jesus and Mary and all the saints and angels in Heaven and on earth who keep time in perfect justice because of love.”  (From “The Cloud of Unknowing”)  Ill be keeping this in mind today.

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