10 good things i have done for Black America

D6 1–I always held the door for Black wonen when i lived in Florida.

2–when the circumstances warrant it i address a Black man as sir.

3–on the psych ward in Florida i protected the grape juice  (“the color purple”) and the orange juice.  OJ Simpson was on trial for murder.  Clarence Thomas was facing accusations about sexual misconduct by Anita Hill.  I was completely psychotic. I cant remember very well now, but i suggested that OJ Simpson be yried privately because his public trial all over the news was such a disgrace.  A young womsn who was visiting left the dayroom noddng her head at me.

4–I taught my son that the one clear way to approach a black man, woman, or child is with love, because any individual black person has his or her own take on race.  Black people take to my son.

5–i wrote a letter to the St. Petersburg Times, in Florida, about reverse prejudice.  This opened up a discussion,

6– i donated money to the Southern Poverty Law Center

7–i wrote a short article called “Black People Shoukd Be Treated Like Royalty.”  I wish i could find a copy of it.  I distributed it to a black friend and an old friend of mine who is a professor of African American literature, and her husband is a public intellectual in matters if race.  I hrsutate ti mention her because we don’t speak any more but at the tine it meant something to me.

8–good for Blacks, a shame for a beautuful all white city, to be perfectly honest: i stood up for bussing into the school district of the all white city we lived in in Florida.  Tbe excellent school district was ruined.  A black girl put her heel through the eye if a white girl in a fight after schook hours –it nade the national news.  Our all white neighborhood was ruined, replaced by something different. I havent been there was for over 5 years now.  Out with the old,  in with the new.  Deeply segregated, all Black Sourh St. Pete was a crying shame.

9–i listened.  I listened.  I listened.   To the black psych tech on a psych ward who told me from his mind, “The only dream i ever had was to kill a white woman like you. ”  To my high school roommate from Harlem, who i thought was my best friend, who said i was prejudiced;  to Alice Walker, author of the Color Purple, who said that no white woman could understand a black woman.  To countless stories, comments, ive been alive to the issue of race all my life.

One of the Black residents here who i count as a friend said sonething about the “dominatrix” earlier today and i think i undrrstand, right now i am coming to you from a classic moment, i just called my mother and father out on trying to punish me for calling them on out on the sexual abuse ussue, there IS a sexual domination issue in racism, that psych tech in Florida also said,  aloud, “Its about the sex, the white man had sex with your girlfrirnd and got her pregnant.”  I finally understand what he was saying.  All those issues of National Geographic laying around my conceited fsthers house. He thought he was such an educated intellectual,  he exposed his children to that.  What a pig.

10–i listened , i listened, and i guess finally i am learning.  I dont know where to go with the sexual abuse in my family and i dont know where to go with the huge repository of information i have about Black America.  These two issues have been working like a seesaw today.  I know one thing, that Black America doesn’t want any white heroes, but i dont work for free any more, in fact i have some serious malfeasance by Blacks in my wake and i dont take kindly to being called on for dues.

You had a good thing going in me, black America, but its over now, somewhere along the way i grew up.  I have my own problems and my own suffering.  I dont know if anything i did really did anybody any good and at this point i dont see any reward in it.  So now im a white with a bad attitude.  Thats all there is thete isnt any more.

NOPE,  1 more,  in a list of 10 there has to be an 11!

11–To celebrate Martin Luther King Day in 2013, when i was living in downtown Easton, i gave my Black neighbors two doors down a five dollar bill in an envelope saying. “A return on the promissory note, a down payment on the bad check.”  (Alluding to MLK’s “i have a dream” speech, which i had been listening to.)  I thought it was a good way for a white person to honor the day.  My neighbor didnt mind.  When i was leaving the vicinity (it was a bad apartment,  i ended up having to flee) she joked with another neighbor so i could hear, “oh, well im on her payroll.”

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