Hope

I hoped that after i forgave Bruce, which i did, it was a painstaking process of letting go of difficult moments; i hoped that all the rest of the trouble, including the “interracial offense,” would come out in the wash.  But its going slowly and taking its time, this forgiveness.  I realized that Satan had attacked that night if tne cutting in line; i should have realized:  i kept saying, “i was just so tired,” and i know that’s always a red flag for a Satanic ploy.  So i have to find a way to go back in my mind, Satan is still preventing me from seeing the  moment clearly.

But nonetheless i feel hopeful.  I feel a turnaround since last night.  After my drive into town with staff last night and the risk of going to the hospital, i have gained perspective.  Amazingly, i am getting along with my mother.

Im no longer new here, and i am starting to identify my friends and foes.  That takes me back to Maryland, 1995, the last place where i felt connected enough to ask that question.  Then, it was the big smorgasbord of Florida;  now i am here, not the easiest place to connect, but i was here 30 years ago.

 

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