Proving Through (from late last night)

Its a miracle.

The bad press that went down in 2008, when i was stymied by having to choose between supporting the first Black President and opposing abortion, is falling away.   I wrote insensitive letters to the editor of the St Petersburg Times deriding Barak Obama for being faithless to former slaves, not being one himself, saying that a former slave would understand being dismissed as “less than human” and so forth.  Perhaps it us fortunate that i do not recall all that i wrote.  I did not keep a record if it.  It was colored by anger and frustration at my political crisis.  I supported the anti-abortion candidate.  After the election, i sent an email to the Presidential Transition Team graphically describing ny awake abortion and decrying the new Presidents stance on abortion. It almost seemed to me to trigger him to launch a sweeping, careless, aggressive widespread  promotions of every kind if abortion in every walk of life.

So i was in trouble all over the  place politically and my name was mud.  My family suffered.  The worst happened:  my son almist lost his eyesight in a freak accident under terrible circumstances.  He couldn’t stay at the military boarding school because of tbe fighting  and wound up getting kicked out.   Here we are how many years later.   I cant remember what  year the eye injury was, it took years to reach maximum recovery and to settle the lawsuit.

So tonight i stood for a Black man again.

Now i see the motel room in Atlanta; the being seized on the front lawn with the image of the black man from the Post Office in my mind.  And the dart.  And i thought it was all retaliation from the Black man, even when the two white girls across the street said, “Lets hurt her son…”  And the police came and they said, “Are you having trouble interpreting things and i said “YES.” And im saying to myself, did the Black man do all that to me and my son’s voice is crying out to me in my mind “Nooooo.”

But i do know that Blacks and Whites were against me after the letters and the email, i experienced it again and again.  Or was i just seeing things through paranoid lenses?  I actually wondered whether an experience here in the last few yesrs was completely delusional.  I do know that the nurses on the nonprofit hospital ward the cops took me to, withheld my blood pressure medication for no reason, it was wellcontrolled befire that, after that it was all fd up.  And i felt i was badly abused at the day program run by Indian doctors who had fired me from their practice for racial insensitivity (that was my understanding)   Nooooo my son is whispering.

This period of time from 2008 to 2012 in Florida, needs more looking at, all the time in Florida needs to be put through the wash.  I need to be stable to do it, i only have one month here, after that its up in the air, and i could get kicked out of my stay here just for having these issues but i cant proceed without discussing rhem.


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