A lot of change since i last posted. Ive been very ill. I have ‘c difficile,’ the highly infectious diarrhea bug. And finally realize i need to stay in my room. The first few days took me to a room at the Hospital. The first night night i was falling and delirious and gushing diarreah, and the male nurse was tring to hold me up, as i was falling all over the place,and i was naked and it was pretty awful because it took me back to sexual moments in my marriage where there was a little too much interest with things anal by my obedient Canadian ex husband. I was never able to face that part of mylife but now it has been brought to my attention.
What to do? Keep my English mother from playing off the innuendos, its none of her business. Protect my child, who has been exposed all along i understand. Take him back under my wing. Pain management takes on a whole new dimension in our lives and a whole new lease. Its a relief when things make sense after so many years of chaos and confusion.
Keeping on top of the physical diarrhea is my biggest challenge. I have to go the dining room for meals and to the smoke shack or a cigarette. I got home yesterday and thought i was healing but ive already had one explosive episode of liquid diarrhea.
So the male nurse held me through the falling they finallly got me cleaned up and dried iff and in a clean dry hospital gown and in the bed and everything was okay but there was some animosity and i wound up being thrown out of the hospital before i was adequately over the diarrhea.
So here i am being routed out of here and here my mother is taking every chance she has to down me and grandstanding and i am uncertain as to whether to go further with this post but my ex has had every chance to cone forward with humility in this matter and the time is TOO LATE.
I am here until the end if the month and i am still very ill, i am still in the delirium of the beginning of the week to an extent. I dont know how to process it without blogging tbrough it. The delirium is part of the c difficile like the falling. A male staffer rebuked me in the morning and it helped me pull myself together.