About a half hour ago i checked the time on my cell phone and it was 1:11. Always reassuring to be reminded if Gods immananence in this way. I googled March 13, 1970, my sisters birthday, to see what day of the week it was, because i keep coming uo on Satanic coincudences involving her this week (see “Ophidian encoubter in the ER”). Sure enough it was Friday the 13th– i was pretty sure i remembered her joking about that. Its really no joke–Satan pops up around her in an uncanny way, if i were her id lay down some tracks to dissociate myself from these littke coincidences. Just unravelled a major thread when i started to grieve over long lost moments and remembered, (1:11): “knit yoursrlf to Jesus, Mary, and all the saints and angels in Heaven who keep time in perfect justice because of love.” I went back in ny mind ti tve afternoon in Summit, New Jersey when my suster, just a pibt size 12 year old, grabbed my mother and my life away from me in an audacious move i never anticipated and left me in to much desperation to be angry. Here it is 35 years later and the pieces are still worth collecting. She’ll be here next weekend, don’t know whether ill see her or not.
Gotta go grab a smoke break
Tough smoke break, but i made it through and back to my room. I remembered that my sister was 13 not twelve. She was an androgynous little tyke at that age and tiny. I badly underestimated the size of her ego and am reckoning it now and through all these long years that she has been silently at war with me. What a shame. My mother played us off against each other, and she played my mother and i off against each other. I was the idiot in the middle who didnt kniw what was going on. So its been. For 35 years.