Problem Solved

Couldnt have worked out better.  Miss V cane out 15 minutes late for 400 smoke break all ready for me.  But then tbe phone rang while i was smoking my first cigarette: doctor calling to confirm for Monday, which broke up the carefully orchestrated solution.  So i dropped everything and walked uo to her explaining :  ” my sense of hearing is all over the place, im sorry, im sorry, i have a distorted reality, this has been going on for 20 years, i get really paranoid,”  that’s just about verbatim.  And she fell all over herself explaining to me.  “I felt so bad, i didnt want to have hurt you, i think youre a real sweetheart,”  i said “the same thing happened with miss N a month ago.” The feeling of relief was general.

Im glad i caught this monent to hold on to in the future.  It is the evidence to my mind that i need to set uo against 30 years of deepeningly paranoid interpretation of the evidence to my increasingly distorted sensory inake because of the rage reactions that started when i was 26.  Miss Deborah, the therapist, was able to point to this huge crevasse in my thinking, but i only now grasp the reality of the errors in my thoughts and that i can change it for a more normal persoective.

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