Couldnt have worked out better. Miss V cane out 15 minutes late for 400 smoke break all ready for me. But then tbe phone rang while i was smoking my first cigarette: doctor calling to confirm for Monday, which broke up the carefully orchestrated solution. So i dropped everything and walked uo to her explaining : ” my sense of hearing is all over the place, im sorry, im sorry, i have a distorted reality, this has been going on for 20 years, i get really paranoid,” that’s just about verbatim. And she fell all over herself explaining to me. “I felt so bad, i didnt want to have hurt you, i think youre a real sweetheart,” i said “the same thing happened with miss N a month ago.” The feeling of relief was general.
Im glad i caught this monent to hold on to in the future. It is the evidence to my mind that i need to set uo against 30 years of deepeningly paranoid interpretation of the evidence to my increasingly distorted sensory inake because of the rage reactions that started when i was 26. Miss Deborah, the therapist, was able to point to this huge crevasse in my thinking, but i only now grasp the reality of the errors in my thoughts and that i can change it for a more normal persoective.