Trial Home Visit

Its been a gruelling morning.

Ever heard the expression, “it doesn’t hurt to ask” ?  “They can only say no”?  My father lives to defy it.  I asked for a ride at 10 rather than wait until 2.  “Thats a real imposition”  my mother started, asnd handed the phone to my father, who continued, “totally unreasonable,” and he was primed, so i hung up.  “See you at 2”  i said and hit the end call icon.

So if theyre dumb enough to not show at 2 ill be even more enbarassed than i already am.  Ive talked to my care coordinator and she says “go anyway, it might be different from how you think,” which helped me to think outside the box (it empowered me to realize that i really could decline to go if i so chose.)

So now its 130ish and im thinking about homelessness, my worst case scenario, and realizing it wouldnt be so shocking as all that, spring is here, warmer weather is on its way, i have a car…

When i was 24 i looked at the street outside the house where i had s room and sensed imminent homelessness, and signed into a psych ward.   I always blamed myself for that.  But it was winter in Boston and it was cold outside.  My worst threat, worse than homelessness, would be to wind up back at the state hospital.  I have about a day and a half to habdle this situation.  My guiding voices tell me to go to my mothers, its not going to be fun but its a continuation of the road im on, it will be a help to my son–for one thing, i’ll be taking care if his two cats.  But if they want to grandstand and make a showdown out of this — they’ve already abused  me– i dont know how to handle it.



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