Back at the home, came back early this morning because the med techs forgot to pack my morning meds.
Felt like a ghost here at first, then tbe day warmed up to me. I was dying to go back for good tomorrow but my guiding voices tell me to stay until the 31st (Saturday.)
Mostly a lot of work to do letting go of this place, praying that nothing turns nasty. Ive forgiven the two women who harmed me, one a partial hospital program leader and the other a resident. Right now im working on. J who i flirted with a lot just because hes such a sweetheart but i dont know how to let go of it. I have serious family business. He, J. has been a constant source of help and friendship (for a long time i was very afraid of him and threatened by him but thats in the past.) Hes just so BIG. Its very reassuring if youre on his right side. But now i have to say goodbye and i dont want to exchange phone numbers, whats the point, he lives here, and im going back out into the world. I can be such a dunce, God please show me what to do. Obviously my family comes first. Then theres D, who asked me out the first night i was here, hes in a wheelchair. I said no, so he ditched me, then he fistbumped me whenever we met in the hall, then that got old and he got really rude. So i looked the other way when i saw him coming. I caught sight if his earring in the smoke shack and realized that Gid was showing me his manhood which i had offended , so ill figure that one out when i next see him. Lots of things like this to set straight before i leave here, Saturday feels like an ocean if time away.
So im thinking way back to California, when my ex and i were young.
“There is no lost tine in Christ Jesus… Knit yourself, then, to Jesus and Mary, and all the saints and angels in Heaven and in Earth who keep time in perfect justice because of love.” –The Cloud of Unknowing. I applied these thoughts to the abortion in California.
Now im in limbo. Skipped 600 smoke break, i got a pack to hold when i went home so i can go out wben i choose, avoid the crowd.