Well i self published a book recently. It was called “Every Cloud…” actually it was a year and a half ago. It didnt sell. But im glad i went to the trouble to publish it. The theme was that even the tiniest and apparently most inopportune things are in Gods hands and work together for our good. (Every cloud has a silver lining. )
I am now applying this to my life post suicide attmpt and God is with me. I am getting over the OCD. He has painstakingly led me through it. Now i am going back to Senior year in college, when i started questioning my reality. i doubted that the “right” things had happened . I wished i had had a different roommate. I wished i had gone to a different college. Over time this became a veritable disease. God took me away from the roommate, away from rhe college. I didnt understand. It is only now as i write that i see it. I was panicked abd desperate. He led me to a temp job with an engineering firm run by a deeply teligious Christian man and his wife. The woman gave me a Bible with a oassage marked in Romans. I think i read the passage but didnt understand it. He also led me to a surreal relationshio with an apparently incompetent osychotherapust, now, as um typing i realuze i need to apply the tule to that ALSO! Gid had a purpose in it.! This is where ive been stuck all these years! I had no religious education whatever. Not even basic spiritual or practical common sense. U couldnt accept telligion because it came through an exoerience i didbt acceot. I was so angry with the therapist, and with myself for not knowing what to do about her: suicide attemot number 1. Then i went back up to Hutton and ive questiobed THIS TOO! There i took a course called “The Literature of Christian Reflection which i aced, duh, yes Abby the Lord WAS calling you????? Hmm, that IS a question. Hutton college isnt the best place to get your faith, too much egoism. Ill have to trust in God and let that part if my life play out. Sone horrible things happened .