This blog is a good place to come to for grounding. When the shit is getting too thick and i cant see in front of me, I make time to come here and the ground opens up in front of me.
What a day. It was a struggle to get out of bed, but once i did everything fell into place. I decided to keep rhe clorhing purchases that came in the mail, put 3 pairs if pants in the wash on hot to shrink a little, and took the blue, flowered rayon pair to the cleaners for alteration. Pants are always too long or too short for me. Im on the cusp of petite and regular.
From rhe cleaners i hit 309S to Quakertown for my psychiatrist appointment. I was worried id be there way too early but i was working on a problem in the book im writing, and it filled uo the time. There was a long line at McDonald ‘s, they got my order wrong , and then for some reason it took forever to eat my food. And then, sittig in the car, i emailed my son on my cell, and by that time i had just enough time to get across rhe center of town to my appointment.
The rest of the day was wild. I realized it was going to take some time, and some pain to sort out tbe book/therapy issues–the doctor was supportive but its the first tine ive really gotten to know him at all and im feeling a little lost.
I left a message for my therapisr but i probably wont talk to her until i see her on Thursday.
Im dealing with pain and i know its necessary, ive done some things wrong in my life. In Catholic Church on Sunday i finally paid attention to the part at the beginning if mass where you confess you have sinned; thats the stsrting point. Im there. I dropped all my accusations and now im embracing tbe truth, that ive been a pretty motley nogood nasty person to a lot of people in my life, even to the people who ive loved the most, and TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, blaming others WONT HELP. One of the things i have to pray now is that those peopke will let me back in to their lives. The ones who sent me down this road are all over me to stay. Its a TOUGH CALL to fight this fight because people close to me continue to influence me for ill, to continue the benefit theyve had from my failures all these years. They flatter me and push ne diwn rge same wrobg road. The path is treacherous and it feels like the slightest misstep will bring unGodly disaster.
Every day is a new day. New days have been GOOD days for an unspeakably blessed period of time now as i noted in my second to last post “ive been away.” Its been good enough for long enough that im beginning to have faith again. Confidence. Its been such a long time.
Pain. So, i have a little pain to go through. Praying the Memorare to St. Mary.