Omg im glad to be back. I went private 6 days ago because i referred my ex to my last post and then got scared he would direct my parents to it as hes caught up in this psychodrama through the banruptcy proceedings. But now it doesn’t matter: the shit hit the fan anyway.
Si now im back, and i didn’t even lose my views and likes like i used to when i built a blog and then had to go private. I was so careful this time. But it has worked to the good.
Everybody’s cards are on the table, and GOD’S IN CHARGE. I had to admit today, after a really crazy day yesterday, that im looking into other places to live.
I had completely forgotten about this last post, “Safety,” but now all these ussues have come to the surface: the sexual abuse, the “ashes precious Jesus” quality” of my mother’s mothering (that’s from a song but i dont remember the singer); my father’s ineptitude and helplessness as a husband and as a father and lots of other dandy stuff weve been dancing around in this family all our lives.
In the past there never seemed to be anything that could be done about a crisis so it got hushed up but now i have a decent therapist. And a Catholic Sister who counsels me and the Monsignor takes an interest and as of yesterday i will be getting a caseworker from the County. Theyre outnumbered. There are all these avenues for help. Its like the deaf girl in the movie Breaking Silence who was finally taken from her parents. Tbey didnt want to let go. But they were abusing her.
I am SO GRATEFUL for this blog. Its a place to be human. The last week collapses into a perspective and a timeline.
God’s in charge.