Ill today

I woke up in the middle of the night and something snapped in this frantic, fragile place that is “me.”  I sat up thinking my equilibrium had failed.  I tried standing  up and almost lost my balance.  Instantly i thought, appointment today, cant drive.  Also had to 1 take a shower 2 clean this place for my mothers visitor 3 its their anniversary and the anniversary of a recent suicude attempt for me.  WELL THATS not a very nice place for them, is it? I came upon it not thinking about it and got blindsided as i was getting ready to sign off in the proofs of my book.  I was fairly sure that Satan was tempting me to sign it without reading it cover to cover for about the third time, but there was an element if uncertainty because i approached it thinking i would just sign off, it was a no brainer but then i read their caution,  which said, not in so many words, check every comma.   No, it WAS in so many words.  But then i was led in a way i was not comfortable with but i was even more uncomfortable with the alternative,  through the various steps of signing off online through a company that provides such services.

Thus is a very CONFUSING moment.  Satan adores confusion.

Get thee hence though vile evile beast!

I just saw him, a dragon covered with smoke, now i see a lion and the smoke clearing.  The Lion has scattered the dragon.  Vile sateen shiney rubbery flesh, dark, evil.  Dont dwell,  i am telling myself.  Avert your face from evil.

Phew.

He is chained and no longer my burden.  He was released from my book.  I am to believe what the Lord said–that it WAS the Lord–that i signed off exactly as i was supposed to.  OR IS THIS THE TEMPTATION?  To adopt the attitude if a prophet again? Im aleady assured that the proofs are clear of errors, so its not that but my faith and obedience themselves that are at stake.

Oh LORD

Niw i am recallijng to my mind that people ARE called ti be prophets to this very day, rhat it is not soneting to be enbarrassed of.  So i am goung to take it up with the Lird at this very momont and sort this situation out,  especially that place that i always do anything to avoid.  It us often that religious insight ccomes through illness, it seems to me that it is frequent that femsle mystical saints especially come about insight that way.  So its not neccessarily that my mind is addled by illness but the reverse.  Well,  i will have to see what God says.

Amen.

The Jesus Prayer.

Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Amen

Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal Prayer

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee.

Amen

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