More on Ill Today

On the theme of illness and insight, and being a prophet, i was taken for one at the hospital in Tampa in 2003 under Dr. Strangeman.  It was an easy call to make.

Later i said i was a genius, had a high IQ and they all got mad at me and i went into hiding.  I had a pronounced sexual disability.

During my first stay, though, i had just lost about 40 lbs and i felt svelt and i was very believable.  I was posturing because of the problem with being off osych meds:  freezing at every step, ritualizung my eating, it was a buzarre picture.  I was afraud if the devil; thus happens with going off psych meds  But the Head Nurse liked me–she was German and understood my English mother problem–she thought u was much better off the medication and was bad when i started taking it again.  I felt horrible about it.  But i couldn’t endure the physical struggle with being iff rhe psych meds on an acute care osych ward any longer.  I felt like i was going to die from the pains in my brain from not sleeping, it was very scary, and i couldnt force the doctor to help me.  He insisted thst i was sleeping at night because the nurses checked and when they checked they saw me laying still.  It was agony laying there.  I couldn’t move.  The said to raise my hand when they checked so they would know i wasnt sleeping but i tried it and i didnt know if they even saw it, they didnt say anything.  Their job wss to prove that the doctor was right.  I wasn’t there to prove anything.  I wanted help. What are you suppised to do when somebody you dont t even know insinuates that you are lying about a thing like that, why would anyone lie about a thing like that.  I didn’t know it then but now i do know: like it or not i have been in a life and death struggle with the  mental health system and even as i write i am appalled ro realuze that it works seamlessly with my other issue, mental patients, like aborted children, are silenced

Whoa.  I am glad i am here.

Hello.  I am a 56- year-old consumer of mental healrh services for help with a physical, non mental disability that crosses over into psych for some good and other not so good reasons.  I needed mental health help; simultaneously it has been used to sideline and silence me.  My two abortions are a big part if my life longillness, as rgey perpetuated a massuve, horrendous deoression in my youth; and i have written about them in blogs and letters to rhe Editor and in personal letters to Clibton and Obama; and in two self published books the first of which is coming out right around Now.  I signed off on the proofs today.  Well; that was well done!

Hosannah in the highest.

It is well tined as the pro abortion movement is making hard hits.  My book hits hard back.  The question. The  Lord is telling me wirh my eyes to this book, that i am a prophet and thst is a difficult place to be.

Oh another simularity between rhe Pro-Life movement and the self-defense of ALL mrntal healrh consymers is that MH treatmenr–which enters new, uncharted territories in medicine and isnt reliable but becomes a legal issue for peopke who are led into it for whatever reason:  the MH industry today is a HUGE staus quo; like all the abortion clinics humming  along, a giant baby kiliing machine, people get their livelihood out if these industries.  So yes there is a huge impetus to partake of these services and of course in psych treatment you can be forced to partake of services.

On the psych ward in Tamoa in 2003 i talked about pulling a gigantuc lizard out if my head and slaying it.  I remember describing it in detail and saying it represented my sin.  Some of the patients supported me.  Others didn’t.  After a long time there–i stayed 3 months, which wasnt typical on this psych ward–there was a stormy day when i said in  the day room, “God’s in the thunder and Hes on my side!”  There was lightening and, as i turned and walked back to my room, there was violent thundering.

Then i went home and i fell into a bizarre sleep and lower GI didorder that brings me to the present day.  The whole time i was blogging potically mostly about abortion.  I repented of it recently because it wasnt safe for my family; for this reason it was folly.  My personal losses were a win for the other side.

Today i write under a pseudonym.

Well this post had cost me time.   Im on God’s  clock.





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