Battle; email to my ex which I didn’t send

Im fighting a battle here for acknowledgment of a debt of harm to me.  Its come up because i sought care in the ER 3 weeks ago and was referred to the Partial hospital program.   There i felt like a fish out if water and they discharged me after 4 days, without a reason.  I know that i was a difficult patient but that’s not reason for discharge.  Once i got into the program i developed an interest in resolving my history there, i was in a program there from1988 to 1989 and was referred there when i sought hospitalization in 1984.  I was too ill at that time to attend.  The doctor didnt understand.  I wound up attempting suicide rather than face going to the program and wound up at Wernersville permanently disabled from the suicide attempt.  Its as simple as that.  The doctor refused to keep me in the hospital, sent me home with orders to go to the partial program the next morning, and i was way to ill to attend.  So i took an overdose that very same night.   Now i know that i was ill from f-ing around with the medication, i was SCARY ill.  At the time I didnt know that and i wasnt responsible to.  The doctor should have.  At the PCP 3 weeks ago, I was only a couple of hundred yards from the ICU where i almost died from the pain of the catheter 32 years ago and from the ER where the brought me in screaming my head off after i kicked the shit out of my mother. And from the psych unit where i idled the time away smoking cigarettes during 14 admissions without any real attention to my care.  Finally they gave me the boot from that psych ward in 1989  I understood that that door was closing.  Thats when i met [my ex.]
Its now a few hours later and I’m still processing this as I have gone on to two other posts, I go on now here to assert that the counselor at the PHP program is an arrogant prick.  I finally realize that what I thought at the time–I watched it doing down in my mind and it was just to painful to hold on to–I realized although I couldn’t believe it, it had come up on the Friday that I was in the program 3 weeks ago that I had attended [famous university] and it was clear to me that he didn’t believe it, he made  and angry, guttural snort, so I called him on it, I said “I fear I am being disbelieved about this,”  He said, ” why don’t you ask?”  so I asked and my peers believed me.  As I said, it was clear to me that he did not.  So on the Wednesday that I next went in, I brought my 35th year class report.  “Oh that’s very responsible,” he said, over and over.  As well as that I was going to be discharged from the program.  I couldn’t believe it.  I feel quite sure that that was why I was discharged.  On the Friday I had the impression that he was disgusted by my “claiming” to be from this university, which I did attend and from which I did receive a degree.
It is a shame that I can’t name the program and the location but I have a strict rule of anonymity here.

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