Medjugorge, I hope I have spelled it right, is the site of apparitions of the Virgin Mary giving messages to the world since around 1981.  I’ll let my reader look it up for themselves, millions are following this.

I discovered it upon going to the ER for psych intervention last Friday night.  God willing, I will find my feet again by posting about it here.  I have been utterly lost since then, now it is after midnight Tuesday to Wednesday.  In the midst of this my ex has changed his phone number so there is material harm in the works.

Medjugorge.  The man I spoke with, I want to say young but he wasn’t all that young, his spiritality was youthful; talked to me in soft tones about “pure love.”  “Only pure love gets to Heaven,” he said.  About the abortions he said “Don’t let that he did that in vain,”  and he reached me.  About my father he said, “that’s horrible, he’s a pervert,” I said “Thank you for saying that,” that and the other things he said touched the core of this issue in a way nobody ever did.

He talked to me at about 11 at night.  Then, he said the doctor wouldn’t talk to me for a couple of hours.  I lay there for what seemed like about that long, they said it was 530 in the morning.  I hadn’t had my medication, which usually completely knocks me out.  I drove home.  He had walked me out the door.  “Medjugorge.”

I was off my medication.  It was a thrill.  I got home and was stepping on eggshells.  “Medjugorge.”  I looked it up online.  It was real.  I chose the wrong link, Wikipedia, non-God-honoring.  And that’s where I’ve been stuck ever since.

The Lord showed me that this was because I needed to resolved the psych issue.  This , the Wikipedia thing, was the touching on the bad nerve dysphoria of my life, the being kneed in the crotch by my brother et cetera.  She hadn’t healed that; that was an issue for psych and was withheld from Medjugorge.  I was to resolve it another way.  So I”ve been trying to move through it.  And I keep getting taken through radical moments.

Sister Marie said, “What?  Madjugorge?   Report them.”  Then I explained more about how I had called ahead and how I was complaining about having been kicked out of the program and wanted to go back and she said well take the healing as a gift and you’re not going to get very far complaining; that was yesterday, Monday.  I got my tour of the church and went home.  It’s been difficult since then but tonight I really got it.  My father tested me at dinner.  I came back over here to the cottage and slowly Ive been driven over the edge.  At the very end it all seems to come down to the cats.

And the Lord showed me that this is the crux, my father knew about what happened with that cat in college and withheld this from me and held it over my head all these years and that what I have to do is go public about it, his knowledge about it reveals more about him than it does about me.  He did something unthinkable; I did something unthinkable.  I won’t say what.  I don’t have to.  I am pre-forgiven:  my ex is a Scot of Clan Chattan, the clan of the cat.

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