My ex is back in the picture.
He helped me with cash to continue to pursue my book publishing, it was delayed at the last moment by an inexcusable typo in the cover text, it was awful to have to resubmit the whole thing, i could have let the 4 interior typos go; but sending it through again let me add an Author’s Note which was really badly needed.
So today i am HAPPY.
I have been praying to King Solomon the Wise for intercession in my family life. I think i have written about this already. Through this i have been able to release my son to my mothers care, trusting that the Lord will always bring him back to me.
On a more solemn note, my therapist told me to read scripture and keep it hidden in my heart. The passage i read was about (?) Ananias and Obadiah, the couple in Acts who lie about money they pledged to the Holy Spirit; they each fall down dead on the spot. I thoughr, “what’s the use of that?” Then tonight as i waited on my parents and my sister and brother-in-law, who went out for a meal, it reassured me to know that if they sinned against my heart they would pay a price. its funny, in all this time i have beeb kind towards ny sister, and im remembering now the horrible obstacle she was for me when i was young and experiencing a horrifying depression and problems with my mother and father. They used her to hide. I never think back to those days. I was so ill. The Lord has told me i will find salvation in that time. Its funny, people think im so ill now but that girl i was was atrociously ill. Its reassuring to realize i finally have survived that illness.
Im expecting that now it will come out in the wash how HARD all this bullshit was. Im switching to MH care in the nearby city which is the coubty seat, over care further away and also out of my county. This means i am facing those demons from 32 years ago when i almost died of a small overdose because of the pain from the catheter, it was so bad it almost killed me and when i woke up nobody knew what had happened and neither did i, and life went on and on. So maybe now i can get this addressed, finally, so that i can stop writing about it.
As i said i am realizing that rhe catastrophic illness is over. The reason for all my urgent and overwhelming imoeratives is gone! The horrible depression when i was 22 to 24 has been survived, its gone.