Not a victimless crime

The majority would say, not a crime at all, how dare you!  Im going to talk about masturbation.  And for me that is something different than for you, ill give you that.  But im not entirely disconnected from the species and i do have some things in common with the majority.

Just yesterday i finally repented from ALL masturbation.  For the longest time i was stuck on quitting–which i did for the most part in 2003–and with being sexually ‘clean,’–and on worrying about the really serious parts of rhe habit, periods in the times past where the content of my fantasies was depraved; as i was myself, generally, after rhe experiences at the state hispital i talked about un my kast!pist and rhe wxperunce if sexual tirrure;  alsi rhe exlerubce, at rhe state hidlital, of a rekationship womirh a mab who lractuced Black Maguc.  I taje rhus kaat thing CERY seriously.  Add!to all rhus rge neducation Tegretol, which i started taking when i was 27 and   got out if r he arate hispital giid;  it causes sexual sensitization.

After a met my husband the habit if masturbation continued; the fantasized took ob a more hunan face, as my relationship with ny husband –whispered fantasies –supplied ample materials for a contiuous sexual thought stream that soothed my brokenness–the physical damage and the mental and emotional damage from the rough sex.   This went on well into the marriage and into my sons 10rh year.  Thats when i finally quit.

The Catholic church forbids masturbation and it is a commonly experienced problem among Catholics.   I never thought i could be masturbation free but i am now.  My sexuality has gone into latency.  I am 56.  The parts dont work any more.  Too nuch damage.

I had a peculiasr little orgasm  that a college boyfriend taught me using oral sex because he couldn’t get me to come off during regular sex.  I was so pleased with it that i started masturbating regularly.  It almost became a lifelong habut but i finally met a therapist who took me uo on it.  Thank God.  Now i am willing to try sex again, REAL SEX.  Masturbation ruins you for it.  This needs to be known.  Purity and chastity are the jeys to good sex.  In a marriage .   Of course.  Sex makes babies.  Avoid abortion.

If you are in a marriage and you masturbate your husvand or wfe and your children suffer.  My son has a terrible masturbation habit now, or he did, in high school; and i didnt know what to say to him about it.  I told him he would go blind abd insane– thats what they used to say about it and it was happening to me.  So he asked the priest ar his school, who said that  wasn’t true; and then he didnt want to hear any more about it.  My masturbation fantasies rook me away from my ex husband.  Honestly i have to say they killed rhe marriage and before i learned the harm of  it i masturbated inappropriately, if there is such a thing, masturbation is always inaporooriate but sonetimes it us doubly harmful.  For instance when we were living in Maryland, near D C., i masturbated about the then Presudent and Vice Presudent;  and look what happened;  like i said i had a history of depravity; combined with an excellent educational background that put me ar their table.  Masturbation created a pathway for destruction.  Again in smalltown society in Florida i was bad news.  I was living in your back yard and you put up with ne.

Just today i was thinking, all those kids are growing up now and they are thinking back to that back yard, that pool where they all gathered– and rheir oarebts closed their eyes and prayed.  Yes.  It was that bad.

So now in here, im “present:”  i dont masturbate; im not in a relationship, i dont smoke; in working in joining the Catholic church and cleaning up my history.  Im working out the past, trying to help my sin and to reconnect with ny ex husband, where there was a lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding alk along.

Its been a tough road but things are coming along well now.

“All have sinned; all fall short of the glory of God.”

 

Oh, i started out to stay, i have moved on from that desperate period of depravity early in my life. after the state hospital, to repent of ALL masturbation. Its a filthy habit.  The comparatively innocent fantasies in my college years–before the injiry by the catheter in the UCU after the overdose–they were still skeazy and generated skeaze and discouraged high minded young men who didnt count on finding something like that at a venerated institution such as i had found my way  to.  I forgave the college boyfriend, i wish he hadn’t dobe that.

 

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