On Wednesday my therapist gave me a book on sexual abuse by a Christian author. It is very good and has already sugnificantly touched me.
This comes at a time when there is a flip flop going on where they are being self righteous and i am being selfrighteous. Well guess who is right?
My visible and profound suffering outpaces their callous and active indifference any day. In tbe heart of it they practiced “conscious ignoring” as of a mental disorder when i had the equivalent if a broken leg that needed swift and sure intervention.
It was sick. And there were people in the city of S. who were on my side. But that has all gone away.
So now im being turned away for health services again in the City of S. once again I was declined supposedly based in insurance at the county psych services. I went through that for 3 years in my last county before i moved here, im not going to go through it again, ill have to stick with my present provider in another county. I am also cut out of housing through the county agency, they said that their list was closed; and now i am guessing that my father pulled a string to accomplish this, they exchanged a look when i said i was going there, they had taken my son there a dozen times for admission to a rehab and so had I; and then the next time i mentioned it they pretended they had never heard of it.
So they are still fighting the battle to “prove” that i was never sexually abused. BUT I WAS! so the Holy Spirit will prove through the trurh. I remember a girl in the hospital at the very outset of my psychological care talking about the double life of not wanting the abuse to have happened but knowing it did.
It feeks a little dangerous to be reading the book my therapist gave me but i trust in the wisdom of it. She is a licensed Christian counselor.
So yes i am looking st this flip floppibg and even as i write i can feel my father trying to fight with me in my mind. I believe there is a death threat as is common in sexual abuse cases that are kept secret and that this has been there since wben it happened when i was 17. I already have some of this work done with my psychotherapist in Florida.
Praying for a safe space ro go to as i wrap up this post.