The Whole Problem

ByThe problem with this situation is a minor stroke my father had just after my son was born.

He also had a urinary incontinence problem.

My mother was responsible to handle both.  She made the decisions and he signed off on them.

The stroke, involving damage to visual processing in one eye, caused hin to “go away” in his mind.  At first he struggled wirh it; then he acquiesced.  Many years before this he lost his sense of smell in a sinus operation and that had already caused a certain interpersonal distance in him.

But the wost of it was the urinary incontinence.  My mother judged it wise to go out for lunch and dinner, a lot, but not to buy urinary incontinence products.  “Theyre expensive!” she said.  They were short of money   Likewise, “You ALWAYS go out (socially)” my father cried., obviously echoing ny mother.  These days he styles himself (in a word) “gregarious,” and has forgotten the endearibg shyness that used to excuse his follies.  He also stopped playing the piano, because he couldn’t read the music anty more.

So for a periid tine, befire a medication cane out fir hus incontinence, my father was wearing feminine monthly use products, he borrowed them from me a number of times.  And he regularly soaked the seat off the car.  And he soaked himself whike he was pumping gas once, and was careful to say, “my problems are physical”  to the bystanders–indicating the contrast with me as i sailed by him into the mini mart.  I had just gotten iff a psych ward.

All this created a “paradigm shift”   which finally proved through the  professional shift my father went through in the early eighties that resulted in the move from North Jersey here to PA.; abd huscearky retirenebt.  Similarly there was a paradigm shift for me   i was associated with New York City and Boston.  At the time of my sons birth the shift proved through to where both those geographical locations resolved into Buffali, New York; which was near the place of my birth in NW Pennsylvania; and my experience of the Hutton College literary magazine, an apparent disaster, resolved into becoming a mother, altogether more important.

Now as i write this my sisrer us coming up in my mind and i have to avoid her on penalty; as i said, of death.  She is their ‘talking point.’

But anyway at the hospital i went to after being a new mother for 10 months, my parents lied about the sexual abuse.  I know because the doctor asked me whether there wss “a dispute” about it.  I didnt know that there was until he said that.  My ex husband also told me they took hin aside and told him what to say, he didnt want to, he said.  I guess he was afraid of them.

Now he–my father–broadly denies to my face that it happened.  “your sister was there ” they claim.  And they go to lengths to avoid discussion ESPECIALLY in front of MH professionals,  He uses flattery and other methods to keep the discussion light and then the meeting is over and i don’t even realize right away rhat he has avoided the issue once again.  Indeed, i realize even as i write that at the specific incident i am talking about they made a fool out of me!  After that i wasn’t believed about thus “incident when u was 17!  Omg.  They are saying it is a delusion!

This is sick

My son said he didn’t believe me but i didnt think anyrhing of it.




So my father is using the “paradigm shift” to make this problem go away.

Now i begin ti understand whats been happening to me.

When my psych providers say that my interpretation of my parents behaviour isnt real they mean they dont believe that these actual incidents if harm in the past that have  DEFINED me, are REAL!  Oh boy, I cant wait until my appointment next week.

Thank God i finally realized this.


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