I thought i had the masturbation problem down.
Just prayed the Divine Mercy Chaplet TWICE, first on my 10 fingers out back as i watched the cats, then sung aloud–counted out on my rosary beads. My cats were pretty clear that i was crazy. I have lost the tonality of my singing voice. It wasnt my smoking that did it but the intibation in rhe ICU when i took the last overdose.
No, i thought it was the cat thing that followed me after freshman year in college.
The masturbation thing GOT me when i involved my favorite cousin, deliberately led by the “friend” from the state hospital. I was mistreating her. She took care of herself. This woman HAD me. I helplessly followed her trail all over rhe country, finally meeting up with her here in PA again two summers ago.
I dearly paid for being a bad friend.
Just now it all came togerher and i am TOTALLY HEALED. I havent masturbatwd for years but when i did i involved my COLLEGE ROOMMATES, who were also my BEST FRIENDS. I have to forgive the boyfriend who taught me a fake, clitoral orgasm, a little quivery coming off that was all i could get because of the damage in my crotch (kneed in the crotch by my brother when i eas a little girl) that caused in me a frustrated fascination with sex. Once i hit my boyfriend on his back while we were doing it because he couldn’t satisfy my need.
Its finally over.
My ex husband always used to talk about when the sheet came off the statue well here it is, that moment at last. I was in private a deranged sex fiend all for a crazy litle quivery orgasm that was all i could get; after the damage by the catheter in the ICU when i was 24 thats all there was to me, i was walking sexual damage. All i cared about was my next orgasm. And i started masturbating every night, in a room with 3 roommates –i couldn’t get to sleep without it.
We were talking at dinner about my cousin in England who had resurfaced because he became a grandfather and after i left the table all this came together.
Now i am am clean. Completely free if all sexual touching of any kind. I get a charge out if managing my lower GI problem. About every 5 to 7 days i go through a violent ordeal in the bathroom that lasts several days. During those days i feel like i am going to die. But then its over and i feel better and i forget all about it until the next time.
Bare cold honest