Today

Today, i am looking at finally overturning their Johns Hopkins victory.   it was won with ill will and falsehood.

Today Sister M showed me Godly love for my hurt places and now i know what the UNgodly past has been.

“Tell her not to stimulate you,” the CHILD psychiatrist said to me as i was on the way out tbe door.  I was 21.  I had just been shattered.  It was going to be a slow burn until the suicide attempt after my 22nd birthday. I didn’t know what he meant  by stimulation, now i understsnd.  I am sitting here calmly. avoiding stimulation.  I am sitting here in the shadow of the meeting  with Sister M, free from bothersone stimulatuon which my mother does subject me to.  She makes a point if it.  When i resist she thinks i am trying to “dominate” her or being “passive aggressive.”  She makes a point if doing what hurts me.

Doctor S when i was 21 thought he was talking about schizoaffective disorder but at Johns Hopkins they cleared me of that.   Oh Jesus! I hadnt even remembered.  I asked Dr. L. at Hopkins what if i leave here and someone calls me schizoaffective  again?” (which of course is exactly what happened,)  “They would be wrong.”  The resident, who was responsible for continuity of care between the various “attending” physicians,  said this.  Si it was not Dr.L. but the resident I asked.  Dr. L was the first attending and he diagnosed me with “classic”  major depression, “an eloquent portrait” of it.  I wss so down on my mself that i couldnt cooperate with his benevolence.  Oh gosh!  Somewhere in his heart he just got a smile from me.  It took 22 years

Yes.   I have experienced a catastrophic illness.  Catastrophic complications to the treatment if a condition thst it took a lifetime to discern.

Dr. L. at Johns Hopkins takes the win.

Today my son is freed from my suffering to live his own life.

Today i will begin to make my current care providers understand my illness.

 

Today is a good day in history for me in my own life.

 

 

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