After seeing Sister M. today i have been in a long slow burn if refuting my own suspicions of sexual impropriety WITHOUT turnibg to somebody in authority–been there, done that; in the end i relied on a trusted voice in ny own thoughts to reassure me and overcame the long weekend of worry. OF COURSE I am the problem. Physically and psychosocially im a sexual monster. I realized i was withholding myself from the process of formation because of ny extensive sexuasl damage. She was just trying to bring me in and this is the crux of it– wberher i am to be a Catholic or not: i have to want it. I was just playing around in tbe baby pool. It hurts so much to face rhe danage and i am afraid i will be rejected. I dont know if i want to lose who ive been. I dont know if i want to become someone else. I dont know if im ready to reject my family. I dont know if my husband will EVER take me back if i go Catholuc and go to Church on Sundays: he wouldn’t have control.
Im so confused.
The Catholic Church in Pennsylvania has enough problems without me!