The Damage

After seeing Sister M. today i have been in a long slow burn if refuting my own suspicions of sexual impropriety WITHOUT turnibg to somebody in authority–been there, done  that; in the end i relied on a trusted voice in ny own thoughts to reassure me and overcame the long weekend of worry.  OF COURSE I am the problem.  Physically and psychosocially im a sexual monster.  I realized i was withholding myself from the process of formation because of ny extensive sexuasl damage.  She was just trying to bring me in  and this is the crux of it– wberher i am to be a Catholic or not:  i have to want it.  I was just playing around in tbe baby pool.  It hurts so much to face rhe danage and i am afraid i will be rejected.  I dont know if i want to lose who ive been.  I dont know if i want to become someone else.  I dont know if im ready to reject my family.  I dont know if my husband will EVER take me back if i go Catholuc and go to Church on Sundays:  he wouldn’t have control.

Im so confused.

The Catholic Church in Pennsylvania has enough problems without me!

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