So im sitting here and i prayed and i sat diwn in my mind with the pastor who closed tbe door on me and my talk of sexual abuse.

And God showed me, yes. You will have to acceot this evl from me.  And i do get words like this from him at times.  And i hear miss D, my therapist saying  God woukdnr say that.  And at the next moment he let me feel a brightening from my father, and that he–my father– understood suddenly.  You  dont DO this to your daughter.

I dont see anything from God, the pastor or my father.   I think that is enough for one night.

It us because i am SECUALLY DISABLED.  People dont understand.  They know what they feel snd they dont like it.  They step away.  They dont consider for a moment what im feeling.  So at the last i acceot thus cold shouldering from thee Lord becssuse i know that he does it out of Love.   So now i guess i can trust my fatbet.  We’ll see hiw it plays out.  Whether his daughters life and death us more important than his imaginary reputation. So maybe i can get my ec back too..

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