It is well with my soul

So at 56 i have finally found my way out of the bix.

My sister found it at age 13.  She USED ME.  I renember the monent, and that i felt like id climbed behind a rovk id nevrr find the way around.  My brother took my mother on wben he was 18 and hus girlfriend went away tocollege and broke up wirh him.  My moment came on wben i was 24 and i had been tortured by a catheter in the ER after an ovrrdosr.  I didnt know what had jappwned to me.  I didnt remember what happened in the UCU unti 4 years later when i met my hisband to be..  then i left town with these dim memories.

“Her mind is gone” they ssid on the psych ward.  “Its us they care about it.”  A woman said it.  Another patient.  I was terrified.  They sent me to the state hospital, which is what my motber wanted, which was why i took the overdose.  Ivr been yrying to buck that logic ever since.  Tben, when i got out of the state hospital rhe first time–because of what happened in the ICU i was triggered by a small dispute with my mother back at home to unleash on her the pain and terror of the ICU.  I still cant talk about this in a way that makes sense.  But my cats are involved, the incident with my father when i wzs 17 was involved, and the state hispital patient who i call “Caleb” was involved.  This will all be sorting itself out.

Omg Lord almighty feee at last.et me borrow those words pastor King.

Ive been locked uo with this violence for 32 years, the statute if limitations ran out on it decades ago.  Thy kept me forever because it was an MH “conviction” and there was no reality check on it. ” She did this to “MY WIFE!” he was crying out.  Meanwhile all THOSE years he was using it to cover over what he had done to me.  AND THIS SATISFIED HER.  Lock ber up and tbrow key ON A PRETEXT.  And then forget about it.  FORGET ABOUT ME

Meanwhike i was stuck eith the REALITY.   Two years in a state hispital with a fragile mind and body.  Im slowly pulling back tigether the pieces if my soul.

 

 

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