Ive said this before and now ill say it again, you go only so far –and it can be miles or decades or centuries–and then all of a sudden there it is, lifes basic conundrum.
Im looking at destiny and then, im sitting diwn to ear a bowl of ceresk–simple enough. But i had 3 teeth extracted last Thursday a weej ago. And i can assume ny gums have basically healed. And suddenky it dawned on me that this is it, theyre not getting any better. Ive had about 7 teerh pulled all told Im going to be gumming my food. I was eating delicious crispy Corn Flakes and avery crispy tasty edge hurt. And im already eating them in place of the desired Frosted Mini Wheats–which get soft in the milk–because of diabetes. The nurse who came to tbe house yesterday read me the riot act.
So yes when i said that to myself before–about life “being a certaun way” i didnt realize it but i was doing something wrong–i wont describe the situation but there was one. Suffice it to say rhat i was at a very immature point in my faith journey and thrte was no way i could have what i wanted because what i wanted was improper. It took me 2 DECADES ti figure this out. I was “stuck” rhe whole time.
That gave way to the underlyng truth. Theres a song that puts it well–i cant bring it all to mind. “The aching of this life reminds us this is not our home.”
I was praying the Rosary a couple of weeks ago and i saw myself years from now in the exact same place praying rhe Rosary in rhe exact same way, no further enlighterned, no further along my way, no less burdened. It was reassuring. For one thing , i would be alive! A few days later i looked back and i thought surely that cant be, im seeing so much; knowing so much; learning so much. It didn t bother me. It just seemed like an odd incongruency. But i see it again now and it makes sense. I need lots of time to catch up. I dont need a whole lot of drama in ny life. Just some peace and quiet.
But as for my tooth loss and diabetes; just when i finaly lost that awful 50 lbs that plagued me for 20 years and got normal self-control over my eating after a lifetime of bulimia; im suddenly hit wirh diabetes and toothloss and rhe wotld of normal appetite and normal food eating evades me. It is to remind me–as the song ssid–that the world of normal eating–however pleasant iit might have been–was never my hone and not having it never separated me from God. He was there all the while. What he offered was what i got and if it is going to change it is going to be because He wills it.
He has a plan for me and whats important is that i follow it. And that doesn’t necessairly include scarfing down lots of nice restaurant food as i used to.