Finally got it!
It took a second after questioning whether I shold leave “things we turn a blind eye to” as a published post.
I remembered the “scuz” of my childhood. The greasy film on my scalp, the thick layer of white scum on my teeth. My mother didnt attend to my washing and because of the inhury–the being kneed in the crotch by my brother–I wasn’t inclined toward it naturally. That’s just the way it was. I didn’t take to washing.
I don’t know whether that came first, or, the thought that everyting has a reason, but the next thought was, omg, that’s the explication of the crazy marriage. My ex has exzema AND psoriasis. I don’tknow if even HE figured thise out but I did, after being criticized by a nurse for not knowing the difference. Every time he went to a doctor he got a different opinion. He was red as a lobster with staph infection within the skin condition about a half of the time, and having to go to work, the skin was falling of his hands, it was horrible. But it didn’t bother me as gross, even the skin peelings all over the floor under his chair; he liked to pick of chunks of skin.
Eureka! That also explains to me my wariness about going down there to watch t.v. with him, it hurt him so.
Today, a Monday in October of 2018, I continue to bathe infrequently. I took a shower this morning as I have an appointment today with someone who specifically expressed a preference that I do this. I went to church yesterday without one. I always brush my teeth before I go out and I am starting to wash my face again also. Please God help me with this. Bill was super clean, his skin smelled like fresh water. It was what I loved about him most.