Almost to the end

This is the denouemont.

They are saying he tripped and fell.  “We arent going to use the word suicide.”  I am trembling as i write.  Because ive seen this before.  Its the one sure bet they ever saw in their life, it involves downing me and its sheer bull.  It goes back to when my sisters horse died and they asked for advice and i gave it.  Dont drive 7 hours in the middle of the night without dinner and show up unannounced at her dorm room at college in Massachusetts.  So they went out to Friendlies, and called her before leaving.  She had a bad reaction on the phone.  My morher came into my room before they left and simply announced they were leaving  and turned on her heel and left.  I had a bad feeling that i didnt understand at the time. It never wenr away.  She was harboring self-righteous rage against me.  Go figure.  I was a poor sick state hospital patient. I had been told they couldnt oay for a private hospital because they had to save money for her college education. I had been hauled out if the house and committed for makng a hostile remark about her after she was unbelievably disrespectful to me as she gatheted her expensive “trusseau” for going away (i had simply gotten on a plane and left with the clothing on my back when i went to college, because if what my dad did to me)  This little girl was walking all over me..  and i had helped her get into college and she EXPECTED this.  As far as their handling her horses death, I gave them some practical common sense advice.  It wasnt done with insane devotion to  my sister.  If that was what they were looking for they shouldn’t have asked me. They’ve been punishing me and playing this out ever since.  Because they’re disturbed.  I have “treatnent”  coming out ny ass.  Im normal. I an the God honoring  wheel of tbe family who makes everything work for everybody else in the family well hey guess what, i quit. 

Enuf of this bull.

You might ask well if thats how you feel why do you stay with them?  Well that’s the question i was asking 33 years agi when the doctor in the hospital in Massachusetts i was staying in tricked ne into saying yes when a nurse aporoached me when i was distracted and askd me if i wanted to go with my parents when the answer was NO ABSOLUTELY NOT.  I had alreafy ased about going to the state hospital in Boston, there was a girl on tbe ward who had been tbere and she was okay.  I was willing to go  The doctor didbt wanr to have to sign off on that.

The silver lining?  Because of the damage in the ICU (when the catheter badly hurt ne) and my sexually acting out i came to understand about rhe sexual dusabikity frim being kneed in rhe critch by my brother when i eas a little girl.  I had nothing but time on my hands to muse about things and a diagnosis that didnt make any sense.

So, all these years later my oarents are playing me for another go-roynd of the scapegoating.  My brother has committed suicide.  Say it dudnt happen neanwhile let (me) take the pressure and the blane because ut DID.  “Protect” (my nephew.)  Thats the clarion call.  Why?  Because this is British parluamentary rule.  See Breaker Morante..  see Mission Impissible;  Rogue Nation.  Sorry chums your out of the water.  Ib Anerica we HATE this.

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