Rage

As i walk away from my brother’s dearh which OF COURSE was accidental because he didnt realize what he was doing when he jumoed off that cliff, he had a silly idea in his mind–thats the sad truth.  All he needed was career counseling.

My fathet and my ex husband are SLIME.  He was CRYING OUT for help.  

Off tbe top of my head i know of two things he could have been successful at.  He just had a “make-it -real” problem in hus head.  I had the problem as i have said of feeling like a fraud even when i was succeeding.

He could easily have had a VERY successful career as a model.  He was impossibly beautiful, and he was built right, 6 feet tall.

And he could have strarted a beer &wine cafe bookstore with me –that was an old dteam from my youth with a friend who disappeared.  My dad could have set him up with the business of his choice.  I emailed him about tbe cafe bookstote but i dont think he got it.  I was in tbe kitchen wben be was on the phone with my father before he jumped and he said he didnt check that email any more.  I asked my father to tell him to check it.  Thats the last i knew of my brother.

God is sending us a message.

Of COURSE it was an accident.

He never meant to die.

He thought he was making a brilliant gesture.

And in rbe last analysis, he was.

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