Steven did you know I would sit outside the Giant supermarket holding on to the steering wheel of my Ford Fusion wrenched with sobs when I finaly figured out that you were gone?

Grief is not longer just a word.

I didn’t know where I was going.  I hadn’t had anything to eat.  I was off my psych meds, forgot to take them last night.  I was with you at the bottom of that cliff where your life ended.  My heart went back to 1983 when I was suicidal and you were my friend.

I wound up at a pizza parlor by Dorney Park and had two slices of pepperoni and a diet Coke.  I wiped my eyes as I was ordering.  The girl was nice.

She reminded me of your girlfriend at Kent, the Italian girl from the Pizza restaurant in town who you brought to the dances.  You made everyone mad.  She reminded me of your Italian girlfriend in New Jersey who had an abortion.  That was the beginning of the trouble.

Now everybody is scrambling to pick up the pieces.  Mom is lying and saying you slipped and fell.

Everything is coming unraveled.  I will be talking to the doctor about stopping the medication.  It’s a different ball park now.

Steven you were going to rule the world.



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