As you move forwad in Christian faith–in Catholic Christian faith–things from the past that were imporant in your Christian formation become important.
I was listening to a song on Christian radio on rhe way home ftom Sister M.’s “Because the cross has already won the war.” It finally brought me to peace with the here and now. NOT when my ex pays me alimoney and i can move into my own place; NOT when my ex asks me to re-marry him; but right here in tbis crazy one up one down cottage without a proper kitchen and with no door on the bathroom. The Lord has me right where i am and nothing could be better. He has taken me back to the humble origins of my religious education by a deeply ill manic depressive born again Christian who–i found out later–was suffering fron sexual fantasies about women and children. She was a friend from tbe state hospital. I got my religion from the state hospital and there has been a psychotuc edge to it. L. And i were going out to fast food restaurants and she was telling me everything she knew–which was a lot–about different denominations and the basics of Christua faith. That was to answer ny parents conviction that Christianity is mental illness: suddenly that cloud is leaving me and the beautiful truth of faith, in which i have rich resources through my high school and college education–befote all the insanity–is asserting itself in my mind. It was so cobfusibg. I used to say things like”genius borders on insanity. And then i was being called insane. I needed that hedge if insanity all tbose years to protect myself. Now i can live my faith in the here and now in peace.