Time Out

I am coming here to take a break from a To The Wall situation prevailing since dinner out on Tuesday night. Tonight is Thursday night.

I separated the casts for 2 nights; today they are back together and both with me. They are keeping the fighting to a minimum. It was awful, so dire, for them to be apart. Theyve grown up in this small cottage and the attached conservatory. They only go out if they are supervised. It broughr about a huge mental change in ME as well as them.

It was my fathers idea to separate them; i went over there asking for Travis to be taken to the vet for a behavioral issue as he has become so aggressive. Its both of rhem. They are trying to hump each other all day long and then they start fighting. It used to be they fought over getting my attention, if Tanner came to me Travis would chase him away. Now they just fight all the time. But rhe break seems to have quelled them. My father let Tanner back in accidentally for the second time this morning so i gave MYSELF a break and let him stay.

At first i thought, “oh no, another Murphy family evasive ploy” after i approved of ny father’s suggestion. But recently i have been seeing a pattern where i have to give my father the benefit of the doubt. I see that he has protected me where i thought at the time that he screwed me up.

And so it was at dinner on Tuesday night. My mother jumped on me when i referred to a sexual incident at the pizza restaurant i worked at when i was 16. The boss came on to me. So my mother had to talk about how a man gave her unwanted attention when she worked st a real estate concern when i was in college and how HER two bosses protected her. Im thinking, “Hiw offensive can you get?” She should have been jumping to protect me from the pizza restaurant guy not bragging about how she was protected in my face. My instinct–which i have learned NOT to trust in these .atters–was to bring up more incidents where i was sexully tbreatened but i sensed my father saying to me, in his mind, “Dont compete,” so i didnt, and i felt better for it.

So now its Tbursday night and, like i said, its been TO THE WALL. My ex gave me 400 bucks which was great but there was some confusion over it. There is an incident from 4 years ago which is coming up for attention that i dont have space to write about here; i have written about it in my book. It came up in the car on the way home from the restaurant. So i sm processing that with my ex today. There was a minor collapse since yesterday due to the mix-up over the money so thats how we’re processing my change in my reaction towards my mothers offensive behavior. Its the Holy Spirit at work. I have the promise of the Holy Spirit to help me while im living here and writing my book; and the promise of the hedge of protection for my book.

The incident thast i am processing from 4 hears ago had me blocked with paranoia so badly that its like waking up again to my whole life to get clear of it.

I

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