Wow. Blogging about the supermarket always gets out of control. I told my therapist, today, about the incident last week, and we had a very good session. Then, on the way home, I remembered pertient facts that I had forgotten. The incident occurred in the context of my embarrassment earlier in the week when I tried to make a dollar donation to the military that they were asking for and i got my cards mixed up, one of the being a Welfare card. So I couldnt make the donation.
So I that’s why everyone was all upset at the cashier last Friday, when someone said, “Someone should call the police.”
The fact is had i had already made the dollar doation at the self checkout. I had forgotten to go to the bank to deposit my paycheck; realized it, and i decided to go through the checkout with half my things, go to the bank, and come back ; because I had to get milk. To make everything even more complicated it was pouring with rain.
So when i got to the checkout I expected to tell the cashier that I had already donated at the self checkout, but she didnt ask. I can only think that she was trying to assist, as that is her job. The customer in the aisle behind me, who said that about the police–was that about me?–should have minded his or her own business.
But in going to the wall over this since last Friday (I think it was Friday; see my post, “Supermarket”), I have proved through so many life-long issues that I am coming out the other side of my mental illness, putting the finishing touches on my book, and contemplating a move back to Florida.
The Lord was careful to point out to me that early last week when I first couldnt make the donation, that I had embarassed the myself. I didnt explain this to my therapist. I had forgotten. But her help was still necessary to piece together together what happened
That’s scary! Having someone suggest calling the police on you like that (assuming that they did.) I needed her help with the instant paranoia because that sort of thing DID use to happen to me in Florida but that was a place long ago and far away and it would be different if I were there today.
Well it would be nice if this would get back to someone here because I need them to undertand that I had already made the donation, i was in about six panics and was holding together well. I dont know why they felt the need to take advantage of the moment to down me.
But lately the Holy Spirit has been WORKING, I see it so I can only continue to trust; there has been marvelous fallout to this, so good i can hardly believe its true.
All i know is what my therapist tells: that “no weapons forged against me shall prevail.”
I will write off the moment as detritus to a stunning moment of healing and connecting in my life.
“You’ll restore what was stolen from me” goes a song on Christuan radio that has been playing through my mind. That’s was what threw me about this moment at the supermarket was that everything had been coming up to the good.