Terrible guilt

All of my life I have had terrible guilt over sexual feelings and conduct stemming from a physical injury. My brother kneed me in the crotch when i was just a little girl and I suffered a bad nerve in my clitoris all my life long. It generated dysphoria and misbehabior and disgrace. And I did even know what was wrong, i just knew that something was. I even knew about the bad nerve . When I had sex with my boyfriend in college I was aware if it. It was like a bad nerve in a tooth; but I didnt know that it was at the heart of the trouble I lived with. I wasn’t talking to anybody because of the incident of sexual misbehaviour by my father when I was 17.

Then, I got put on medicatio . That shut me down. It had a peculiar impact because of the bad nerve. These medications affect secuality and dopamines snd the nervous system. The sexual damage is related to all of these things. I somehow knew when I was taking the medication Prolixin–an antipsychotic med–when I returned to college after the MH hospitalization in NJ–that I would have trouble stopping this med. I stopped the others–the lithium and the Sinequan. To this day I have found they do not work for me and I finally got my providers to to stop listening to my parents when they told thm to put me on these meds.

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