Our internet went out. It was the weather! I got a little paranoid but the Lord led me right: to let it go, and then I heard the whole house internet was out, it was the storm. I’m a step ahead! I can get a mobile hotspot in my cellphone. They have silly little flip phones. It’s funny because the cell phone is the ultimate culmination of the work they were all doing back in the 60s, 70’s and 80’s when my father was superhot in the industry. But, today, they cant make heads or tales of a smartphone! Or a laptop; but they are getting some help with the laptops.
So, as the scales of all these years fall off my eyes, I am seeing that my mother, a mentally ill and self-interested woman, has been allowed to have authority over my life.
This leaves me where I lay 33 years ago, maimed and broken in the ICU after the overdose because she put me in the state hospital. It was an awful moment in time.
Jesus has found me; and I have found the place where i got lost; when I took to bed the little fellow from Lancaster who stalked me in Harvard Square when i went back up to school to graduate.
Therefore I fell prey to my mother’s clutches; I had lost my way. And next thing I know my brain is fried from the pain of the catheter in the ICU, and my mother gets what she wanted, a berth for me in the county state hospital to satisfy her needs regarding the dispute over her younger brother, a patient in a state hospital in England since age 21 whom my father wont let her talk to. My illness is nothing like his; but she has a need to compare me with him. She has been diagnosed with nental illness herself. She wants to pawn the whole issue off on me. His doctors say he is neurologically deficient, pobably from water on the brain. I remember him from a childhood visit to England, that he was visibly challenged. He was crying all the time.
So, I am out in the driveway, crying “Its the end of my life! It’s the end of my life!” I have just lost it and lost control, physically attacking my mother. Its because of the pain from tbe catheter coming out if me; but at the time I dont know it, and I dont remember it for years.
Si I’m finally back to that place in time, just across the driveway, now a private street, from where it all happened that late night; i remember the cats the next morning and how they were scared, and now the cats Travis and Tanner, here, today, have been scared these last several days as all this comes out in the wash. I pray to St. Francis for them. Travis is here at my feet.
Everything, everything, is coming out in the wash. The Lord is doing a mighty work. He is recovering me from this ill-fated happenstance and is promising to restore ALL OF US to a better place.
Waiting with an open heart on an answer to prayers to St Joseph.
Thus would include my mother accepting medication for her mental illness.