I never see it coming. I was even thinking about it on and off for the last couple of days. Thinking, I seem to be over it (because it usually bothers me).
Then, just now, I emailed my ex. It was his child. I thought I was too sick to have the baby. This was 28 years ago. Just now I emailed him, “Help. I’m drowning.” I didn’t even know why. Then, I remembered.
There was an updated version of this post that somehow got lost.
I hit the “update” by button and left it aside. Oonly later did i realize that it hadnt updated; and there was no record in my drafts. This was a terrible loss as this year’s anniversary was combined with the commemoration of my brother who committed suicide last November; and there was so much going on. I am left out of sync here. I’m not sure how to pick up the thread. It is a week later and so much has happened.