Yellow Butterfly

Well I was sitting in the garden outside the conservatory, smoking a cigarette; pondering the mysteries. I saw a yellow butterfly flying up high in the trees; not a common sight here. I used to see them in Florida. Here, it reminded me that I am above the animals; specifically, the cats.

I have been looking at how my life with my family–my husband and son–shaped itself around my treatment of my cat and the kittens she had here in PA when i shipped her down here in from the Boston area shortly before I wound up in the state hospital here. I was obsessed with them and and i interfered with her motherhood and recently I have realized that IT REALLY WAS THAT BAD FOR THEM; to repent and reevaluate. The worst of it was to lose sight of the proper boundaries between them and myself; it hurt me as well as them. Now I am wanting to redeem my HUMAN family relationships; and finally let go of Daisy; I used to say that she was like a mother figure to me. Well, I didnt say it, but I thought it. Now I realize how hard that must have been on her. The state hospital reduced me to an animal level. Thats all I can say for myself. And i was already deranged from being improperly medicated.

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