Tonight I drop another 50 mg Clozaril, from 150 mg at bedtime to 100 mg, 50 mg in the a.m.

I am reviewing my stresses.

I have cut my smoking from 10 to 15 cigarettes a day to 3 to 6; unfortunately i do not have the same success with my weight. I have gained 5 pounds in the last month or so. I was going through a phase where all I could think about was smoking cigarettes and eating. I thought I had the eating under control but I got weighed at the psychiatrist’s office today and my weight had spiked back up over 160.

I am in a silent face off with my ex tonight. (I am I PA, he is in Florida.) I email him all the time. I realized that two great stressors in my current lifestyle are that I dont have any sex and that I dont have any spending money. I figure that he has the power to change these things and doesn’t. I want to remarry him.

So, I asked for 200 bucks. Just to make me feel better. Waiting to see what he does.

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